Frequently Asked Questions
Is it wrong to want to detach from the pain of bereavement?
This is a great question because there is so much at stake in the answer. There are many emotions that stir when we lose a life partner. These run the full gamut of 'I miss you', 'I loved you more than life itself', 'you've abandoned me', 'life seems so unfair', 'I feel guilty for wanting to move on', I'm afraid if I don't have this pain anymore, I'll forget you', 'being with somebody new feels so wrong', 'I'm not ready to move on', 'my new partner want to marry', 'should I get rid of all your things?', 'you meant so much to me, I feel wicked to want to move on'.
There is no easy answer. The first thing to do is DECIDE.
When I'm asked this question, I always ask what kind of a person was the deceased partner. I usually discover they were kind, loving, passionate, hard working, a good parent, caring of others, a good provider, loved by many, respected in the community, and a great person to be around. This is usually the reason for the dilemma. Why would you want to move on from something so wonderful? The answer is: because life does. If they were a murdering psychopath, you'd probably have no hesitation in moving on at all (a bad relationship also has many cords that are best broken). But as I still feel this great warmth and love for my partner, it feels strange and disloyal to want to move on from that. But it is the very attributes of which you speak that is also telling you they wouldn't want to see you in this much pain, in this much of a quandary. Every strand of spirit that remains is begging to be released with love. Their life with you is over and their earth-bound compassion says it's okay to let go and move on.
But I'm afraid I will forget my partner if I cut the cords of love and fulfillment.
Not at all. Cutting cords is not about removing memories, it's about coping with the pain of loss and therefore enhancing the connections of love and fulfillment. The cherished memories become stronger, more vivid and more beautiful. It is deminishing the strength of the painful emotions that allows this to happen. It helps you look back on any situation of emotional upset without engaging the mind in anxious thought. You don't forget things, but you find they don't carry the same charge as they used too. This is true emotional freedom, and becomes freedom from the things that keep people in therapy for years. You get to do it in minutes, hours or over several days.
Is there any limit to the things I can detach from?
No, not really. The Cord Cutting Techninque is one of the best sellers from my range of CD's and DVD's at
The Haven Healing Centre. Over the last couple of years it has shipped to every country in the world. That's why I built this site around the technique and am promoting it here. Everyone who uses it has a different set of criteria and cords they wish to detach from. The list and combinations are endless: Relationship detachment, emotional problems, physical problems, abuse, abandonment, jealousy, anger, bullying (at work or at home), current relationship issues, childhood issues, fear (of just about anything), the inability to 'let go' (of people, partners, children, animals etc), to name just a few. If you think of how these things have held you back now, and all the way back into your past, wouldn't you prefer to have them gone?
Is it safe?
Yes, as far as anyone can tell, it is safe to move away from the negative cords of attachment. There are so few upsides to keeping negative emotions that even the people who seem to thrive on keeping them and feel they need them, find there is so much more to gain by cutting them loose. That's a bold thing to say, I know. Why would anyone want to keep their negativity? Why do some people hang onto it like their life depended on it?
The question I ask is: What is the upside to keeping this negative emotion? It's like someone who doesn't want to get better. When ill, they have a story to tell you, and them, and us, and their friends, and our friends, and families. They have self-centered conversation that constantly keeps them in the limelight, and oh that feels so good..... Who would they talk to if they had nothing to complain about? Who would listen? There is a reason for keeping the pain, or illness. It provides certainty that I am stirring other peoples emotions, I feel significant, I make a connection with them. Why would I want to give that up? Because there is no spiritual growth in there. At best there is stagnation, at worst it drags everyone down to a lower level, and eventually they resent you for it.
What are 'cords' of attachment?
I am coming to the conclusion they are something energetic. A form of energy that connects us to other people, perhaps like a phone line, or probably nowadays more like a mobile connection. There seems to be no limitations on distance. You form a connection, or bond, with everyone you meet, marry, live with, have lunch with, give birth to, have sex with, exchange greetings, and generally bump into. Anytime you think about that person, thing, animal or event, you have made a connection.
This gives you the idea, that not all these connections are significant, nor do they all carry the same weight in our conscious or unconscious. You can decord, consciously or unconsciously depending on how significnt your mind, body and spirit reacts to the interaction. You know this is true don't you? Because you only remember and react to the connections you feel made an impression on you, you never think of all the others. This tells us we have a natural filtering system in our minds and body's.
I want to tell you a story. My son's from a previous relationship lived with their mum. I visited regularly and they came to stay regularly. There were some difficulties with home life and school, but I always told the boys I'd be there if they needed me, and just to pick up the phone. Back then I didn't know anything about cords of attachment or anything else spiritual, but my new partner and I would be at home, watching TV, when I would get this feeling come over me. Without hesitation, I'd say; N.... is in trouble. I just knew. Sure enough, within 5-10 minutes, the phone would ring and it would be N.... needing help in one way or another. This was not a one off, but a regular occurance with 100% accuracy. This truely amazed my partner, who would ask; How do you do that? I couldn't answer her because I didn't know. I now feel that by telling N.... that I would be there for him, gave my body, and his, permission to create a bonding cord that allowed us to communicate at a fundamentally spiritual level. The strength of that cord was directly proportional to his being my son, and the desire to make sure he was okay.
Another example might be. Have you ever been physically attacked? Punched in the face or stomach? Had your purse stolen in a mugging? Watched a parent leave you forever? Been in a near fatal car accident? Or, any accident? Witnessed someone else in trouble and felt helpless yourself? You create a connection to that moment in time. That's why you can't let it go in your mind. You have to play that scene over and over again in vivid colour and sound. Your unconscious has to make sense of it. Could you have done something different to have changed the outcome? The opposite to that may involve abuse of some kind, when your unconscious can't find a way out, and so suppresses the emotions and memory, in order that you don't have to relive it for the rest of your life. Sometimes this works, but more often than not, your unconscious is like a pan with the lid on tight and the gas on full. It could erupt like a volcano at any moment. The cords are still there, doing the damage, but now they are so shrouded in mystery, you can hardly make them out.
Can I do this myself?
We have seem that some cords are good and some are not so good. Some are useful and some not so useful. As long as you can use the
instructions and the what for? pages to differentiate between the good and bad, then YES, you can do this yourself. That's all that would happen in therapy anyway. Deal with the crap and highlight the good. You don't need years of therapy to do that.
I really do believe that things can change in a moment! In heartbeat! If you drove into the back of someone's car on the road, that accident only took seconds. If you were close to an explosive noise like a window shattering, that only took one second. If these events leave you fearful of driving or afraid of loud noise because those connections have now set up a startle response in you, why can they not be reversed in seconds? The same is true of any traumatic event. Why should it take years of therapy to make it right, when it only took seconds to get into this state? Maybe it's because the connection is still holding us to the past event. Why not consciously, visually, audibly, and unconsciously, cut that cord of negative attachment and see what happens?
How do I decide what cords to cut?
Please visit the instructions and the what for? pages to gain insight into what cords may be useful to cut in your particular situation.
How long does it take?
Each individual episode of using the disc takes 28mins 22s. I'm not sure if that's really your question, is it? My experience is that The Cord Cutting Technique is quick and painless for most people. See the question on 1000 cords below. No matter how diverse and chronic you think your particular situation is, THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU, RIGHT HERE AND NOW!
How many times do I have to do this?
As few as once, and as many as you need too. Come on, it's not hard. It's probably the easiest and kindest self therapy on the planet. It's even pleasant to do. Who wouldn't like to have more time for themselves? Make time and gain a life. I've lost count of the number of times someone has told me; YOUR CD GAVE ME MY LIFE BACK, or words to that effect. Are you still stuck in the track of needing to tell everyone about your problems and illness to gain the attention you need that goes with the problem? Inspire true friendship by changing your story to how you survived the negativity of depression, emotional pain, and how you look forward to a brighter future. You won't believe how much other people change, and how good they look, when you first change your own attitude, life and self-worth!
What if I have a thousand cords I need to cut?
I do understand where you're coming from when you say this. It often feels like it will take forever to work through all the traumas that have accumulated throughout your life. But my advice to you is to pick the one with the biggest crescendo. The one that shouts the loudest and hurts the most. The fact is, if you can dull that one, your confidence will grow that you can deal with the rest easily, one by one, until they're all gone. In reality you won't need to do that.
If you imagine your troubles as legs holding up a table, and each time you do The Cord Cutting Technique, you knock out one, two or three legs of the table, you will get to a point where there is enough commonality between the traumas, that when you knock out one specific item, you take out half a dozen more, that no longer show up as troublesome. In this way, thousands of individual incidents of trauma, can often be reduced to zero intensity just because of the shared way the body deals with emotional pain and stress. When this happens there are not enough legs to hold up the table, and down she goes! I really hope this sounds logical to you and gives you the strength to try.
Can I use this to clear trauma?
Very encouraging that this question came up. You can use The Cord Cutting Technique to teach the unconscious mind that you no longer need this trauma as a reminder or survival code, and to process the information so that you no longer have it as a trigger. Healing from trauma can really change your life, will change your life forever! This is real power and The Cord Cutting Technique allows you to channel that power.
Can I book an appointment and come to you to have this done in person?
Yes, of course. Actually, the Cord Cutting CD came from work I was doing at my practice with patients who appeared unable to heal from their own emotional trauma. Social anxiety, depression, unresolved emotional conflict, guilt, shame, serial abandonment and relationship sabotage can all be the product of being unable to 'let go' of the past, whether that's a learned behaviour, survival behaviour or simple reaction behaviour through feeling powerless in a relationship.
If you fancy giving this a go and you live within travelling distance of me, please visit my other website for contact information and details of how to make an appointment: www.thehavenhealingcentre.co.uk/prices.htm. I look forward to welcoming you. In addition, if you have Skype, we can now do The Cord Cutting Technique using your Skype connection. Details are on the home page.
Hope this has helped. Any questions or problems to clear up before you make your purchase, please contact me by: